“IRON WILL” - fsm
A WORK IN PROGRESS
" Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will."
Mahatma Gandhi
I have been fascinated in recent years by a phenomenon I have observed in some others, yet noticed lacking in myself, which I have come to call “IRON WILL."
“IRON WILL" seems to me to be the mastering of the ability to direct one's thoughts and thus prevail mentally. Thereby as a result, "IRON WILL" is the controlling of emotional responses and the resulting actions or inactions, by a strong will to remain focused and in concert with the correct or desired result. It permits us to do so successfully without distraction, or without being deterred from the direction we each want to work towards and the results we each want to achieve. It is the mechanism one develops to be proactive rather than reactive to people, places, events or things that come up throughout our lives. It is an ability to be in control more often than not, and to not overact but rather to act cogently and effectively. My friend, Karen Meunier , commented after reading this writing, "Consider that Iron Will is simply consistent free will….( i.e. I have a choice to make, a decision as to my response. If one has developed a strong set of guiding principles ( sic criteria) for their actions, then these principles will guide our "free will decisions," and thus our actions will be consistent and have integrity. A series of free will decisions become a system for action, removing chaos, inconsistencies, etc. Systems are built of a series of interlinking, interrelated components, ( sic interrelated decisions,) and thus this process, perhaps, "Iron strength," evolves."
Our emotions serve as a catalyst for all of our actions. They can either charge us or discharge us. Will is a product of thought. Emotions can be thought, however in my view they are more correctly an automatic response to thoughts. It is clearly our emotional responses that can cause us to react or overreact, when whatever the trigger may be is pulled to detract us from our direction or path if you will. All too often it yields a passionate response which may wreck havoc in what it is we want to accomplish, behave or gain. Karen Meuneir suggests, " our emotions are just a symbol. For instance, I feel sadness or I feel anger. If they are just a symbol, like a curve ahead sign on the road, then the function of emotion may be to cause us to take note, that there is something else here to which to respond to. Emotions have a function but in this scenario would not be in need of control, if one learns to take note of the emotion, and moves past it to to take action on the causative factor. The emotion in this sense is the indicator and in and of itself, thereby powerless. The following view then would be to recognize it, honor it, and then look beyond it for it's source that is asking for our attention. Perhaps that is the art form of having "Iron Will."
“IRON WILL" on the other hand perhaps can be trained, learned and developed as exemplified by Arnold Schwarzeneger and Mohammed Ali, to name but a few. Or more rarely it can be inherent as depicted by the survivors of the massive herd of animals, the Wildebeests, on their migration in the movie, "Africa The Serengeti. "
Those that have “IRON WILL," realize that they are a force. They realize that they are a power. A power to be reckoned with. The will that they have is pervasive upon themselves and all that they encounter during their life journey. Constant and never-ending self-talk as well as positive self-reinforcement seems to be a common characteristic of those that have it.
As my friend Neil Cantor and I often say whenever we are about to say goodbye to each other, " MAY THE FORCE BE YOU. "
When adversity of any kind presents itself, and it is inevitable that it will at various points in one's life, one must recognize it for what it is, confront it, deal with it, and then steer through it, (like a professional athlete when they play on and perform though their pain.) By not allowing ourselves to become consumed by that with which we are confronted, we will ultimately prevail. The saying then, " It is not what happens to me that matters, rather all that matters is how I deal with what happens to me," is very powerful and is on point.
Behind the emotional responses and reactions that we have to various situations, there is generally some type of fear. Perhaps it is an underlying fear which may not even be consciously aware of never the less lies there beneath the surface and causes an inability to transcend it and be proactive working through it. One must learn to own the fear instead of the fear owning the individual. Which by the way, the latter is so often the case when “IRON WILL," is absent. Eleanor Roosevelt stated it perfectly, “ One gains strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you must stop and look fear in the face.”
To have “IRON WILL," is to learn how to navigate the various events that life presents, in whatever form they may take, without interference from negative emotional responses which can distract each of us from our course and the accomplishment of the direction we seek in our lives. It is the potential negative emotional response that causes us to falter. It is the ability to process those negative emotions and move past them that allow us succeed and prevail. “All that is necessary to break the spell of frustration and inertia is to act as if it is impossible to fail. Failure is not an option. ” Dorethea Brand
In the interview series of Joseph Campbell, “The Power Of Myth, ” Bill Moyers asks him, “Do most of the stories of mythology from whatever culture say that suffering is an intrinsic part of life and that there is no way around it ?” Campbell responds, “They do, there is nothing I am aware of that will tell you if you are going to live you won't suffer. The mythologies throughout time and various cultures will tell you how to understand and bear and interpret suffering. That it will do. And when the Bhudda says there is escape from suffering, the escape from sorrow is Nirvana. The Nirvana is a psychological position where you are untouched by desire and fear. When that happens your life becomes harmonious well centered and affirmative of life even with suffering.”
In my view having or developing “IRON WILL," is the difference between excellence and being average or adequate. Those that learn how to have “RON WILL," achieve their aspirations and soar farther than those that permit their emotional responses to rule their lives, reactions and actions.
What follows is something entitled "The Process " which I have been developing in my ongoing attempt to learn and gain “IRON WILL," in my own life.
" THE PROCESS " fsm
HOW TO DEAL WITH AND RESPOND TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS OR HITS,
EXTERNAL SITUATIONS THAT CAUSE EMOTIONAL RESPONSES
• FEEL IT (What does it feel like under the emotion?)
• HONOR THE FEELING
• FIND THE FEAR OR STRESSFUL FEELING AND FACE IT
• DO THE FIRST SMALL TASK TO START TO RELIEVE IT (EAT THE ELEPHANT TECHNIQUE.) (note *1)
• RECOGNIZE THE TENDENCY TO OVERREACT, DEFER OVEREACTION
• DO NOT ALLOW EMOTIONS TO RULE AND CAUSE OBSESSING
• SEEK TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ISSUE
• KNOW THAT THERE IS A COURSE OF ACTION AND CORRECTION FOR EVERYTHING
• USE THE SERENTITY PRAYER AS AN AFFIRMATION (note*2)
• ASK WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL THIS MAKE FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW
• DON’T JUST REACT, BE PATIENT UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT AND THEN BE PROACTIVE
• REALIZE THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD THE INCIDENT OR SITUATION MAY SEEM, “THIS TOO SHALL PASS.”
• REPEAT ALL OF THE ABOVE AS MANY TIMES AS NECCESSARY
(note*1) Question: How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time.
(note*2) " Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to accept the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. "
The process needs to be ongoing, and never-ending, and used throughout our lives during those times when life's events and or circumstances call on us to have " IRON WILL". I for one have found it quite difficult to develop and master, “RON WILL.” As a result I frequently have found myself reacting in a weak and emotional manner rather than acting in a manner of control and discipline, which I know, would produce much greater benefit. Nevertheless even the conscious awareness of this does not seem to be enough to have "IRON WILL," as an arrow in my quiver so to speak. A tool in place and ready to be pulled out and placed in my bow on an as need basis. I do intend to master it however no matter how illusive it has been.
What may appear to be random chaos in the universe is actually an orderly unfolding of cause and effect. The entire universe is an ordered exact infrastructure in a delicate balance. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness; injury; love; loss of love; lost moments of true greatness; death of a loved one; mistakes caused by whatever reasons, and or any other consequential experience, all occur and therewith test the limits of, and expand the constraints and boundaries of our souls. We are as a result, through our interactions with others and the circumstances we encounter, forging our souls, not unlike the way steel is forged from the intense heat of a blast furnace when applied to iron ore. Without these tests throughout our lives, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and otherwise pointless. It would be a mere existence and passage of time, likened perhaps to waiting at an airport between connecting flights. Helen Keller said, " Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved
"The Process," the study of others and observing their behaviors, and this paper being a work in progress, are my attempts to better understand and make "IRON WILL," an integral part of my life. I deem the lack of it to be my greatest deficit and deterrent from taking my life to the next level.
Being somewhat of a student of aphorisms and a positive approach to life and things, I am aware of many of the words that play well in the contexts we have been discussing. For instance:
That which does not kill me will make me stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche
If you have a problem that can be solved by money or effort, you do not have a problem
"If you always do what you’ve always done you will always get what you’ve always got."
"Every minute of every day I am getting stronger and stronger
in every way." Sarah Mahr (my mother)
The will to win is not merely as important as the will to prepare to win.
Success can be best achieved when adequate preparation meets opportunity.
Based on my own experience, merely knowing the words and concepts by themselves are not enough. Although I am cognizant of the theories, know the words and have been an avid student of many of the “Greats”, nevertheless for reasons that remain unclear, I have been unable to consistently apply what I know to be correct, to my own life. Daniel Goleman in his book entitled "Emotional Intelligence," speaks in large part of the dichotomy between logic (Intelligence) and emotions. We need to understand that save for a very few of us with "Iron Will," we must all learn to recognize, understand, attempt to control and work through the all too powerful effects our emotions and emotional baggage have on virtually every aspect of our lives. Knowing is not ever enough. Doing with an "Iron Will" must underscore an individual’s actions.
This paraphrase of an Oliver Wendell Holmes saying which is also included is on point, “…. an individual must at times run with the wind, other times run against it, but must always commit to run, not merely walk, and certainly never stand still.” Oliver Wendell Holmes' quote, " I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving -- we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it -- but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor." My friend, Karen Meunier, has suggested, " Inaction is a form of action too, and it's outcome is sometimes appropriate. Being willing to observe but not respond is a powerful tool used in Zen. A quote from an unknown source favored by Karen is, " Although we cannot adjust the wind, we can adjust our sails."
Not long ago I gave a copy of this paper to a friend , that as I have gotten to know better, have come to admire the way she handles adversity as well as her approach to living and being, in general. I have been quite impressed by her intelligence, passion for various aspects of life, and her proactive nature. She wrote me the following recently, " It is so interesting that I never really noticed how I handled disappointment. I'm glad that you are learning a lot from me because I am certainly learning a lot from you. When I try to analyze my approach I can only think that it's this long ranging goal---that quest for justice----that keeps me going. And there is always music in my head that keeps me going---" To Dream The Impossible Dream---To Fight The unbeatable foe, to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go, to right the unrightable wrong, to try when your arms are to weary, to reach the unreachable star----this is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far... " In further conversations, she has in essence said that it is a conscious redirection of energy that she uses. She has learned how to use, " IRON WILL," for her own benefit and the benefit of those whose lives she touches.
It brought to mind concepts I first learned from Napolean Hill, in his book, " Grow Rich With Peace of Mind," read originally years ago. In his work, he identifies the nine major motives, which he states influence everything we do in various combinations. Seven are positive and two are negative. Hill cites the positive as (1) the emotion of love, (2) the emotion of sex, (3) the desire for material gain, (4) the desire for self-preservation, (5) the desire for freedom of body and mind, (6) the desire for self expression, and, (7) the desire for perpetuation of life after death. The negative are listed as (1) the emotion of anger and revenge, and, (2) the emotion of fear. Hill states that, " peace of mind is attained only by the exercise of the seven positive motives as a general pattern of life."
Napoleon Hill goes on to say that, " Sex is the greatest creative force of the universe. On it's highest plane it merges with love; but love can exist without being sexual. The mighty power of sex can be transmuted into action for the achievement of profound purpose." In essence what Hill is writing about is the conscious redirection of energy. This is clearly an example of, "IRON WILL, " at work.
Peter Lowe was interviewing Christopher Reeves after he became a paraplegic from an accident while riding a horse. Lowe started to ask him, "Have you ever thought about how things might have been if..." Before he could finish Reeves took some breaths from the apparatus he uses to breathe, and said bluntly and emphatically, "Waste Of Time!" That is " IRON WILL."
"Thoughts are things. That is a revolutionary statement. I don't mean that the word "thought" is a noun. I mean that thoughts are tangible, real, and measurable. It is comforting at times for us to believe that our thoughts are secret ... that we can hide our thoughts from others. However, in the end, our thoughts are always revealed and not through some mystical form of telepathy. We ultimately betray our own thoughts by the actions to which they must inevitably lead us. "
"As we will learn in later columns, thought alone is not sufficient. Faith, persistence, and other factors, all of which our under our control, come into play in the creation of an end result from a thought. But thought is the driving impetus behind it all. When we focus our thoughts on a particular goal, when we commit ourselves to its fulfillment, we become like a magnet, attracting to us events, people, and even seeming coincidences all conspiring to bring our thoughts into being. Out of the barren "nothingness" of pure thought, material manifestation coagulates around that thought, giving it form and substance. "
"For the concept of "thoughts are things" is a double-edged sword. I can just as easily create pain and hardship in my life as I can success and abundance, probably easier. Because it is so hard for most of us to see the cause and effect nature of the thoughts we habitual hold in consciousness, we are prone to see unhappiness and failure as things thrust upon us by unkind fate. However, as I have said repeatedly in my column, knowing that we create our difficulties liberates us from being their victim. We need only adjust our thinking to change our results. We create our reality ... down to the minutest detail. This is the ultimate realization of understanding that thoughts are things. "
A woman from Israel who I met while she was caught up in the midst of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict with its looming violence and war of 2001-2002, wrote the following to me in an e-mail. I think it is exactly on point to this topic, " I believe in the power people have to transform their lives if they commit to do so, no matter how difficult that seems to be. The obstacles we find on the way are the obstacles we want to believe in, in order not to make the transformation because it is sometimes frightening. But, as you probably know, time passes, and there is no discount when it comes to time. "
It is one thing however to know about all of this but quite another to be able to do something about it. It is the ongoing dichotomy of " talking the talk, but not walking the walk." To have, "IRON WILL," is to the ability to be able transcend whatever it is that may detract you from not being able to do both the "walk and the talk", regardless of the circumstances and situations and the barriers that may be placed in your way.
"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."
— Muhammad Ali
"I cannot nor will not be ordinary I have to keep training and seeking and growing.
I have to stay hungry. It is my will and so has become my nature "
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."
— Vince Lombardi
